8 dating struggles you only know if you're trans



Here is a great article written by our friend Isabelle that was published on their website by the folks at Cosmopolitan. You can find the original article here. Congratulations to Isabelle on being published nationally and to adding her voice to those seeking equality and respect for trans people!

1. Being seen as a fetish is so tiring

A LOT of the time, people just want to have sex with transgender people because it’s some sort of fetish for them. The majority of us don’t want to be seen as a fetish and want to be loved and respected like EVERY. OTHER. PERSON.

2. People always want to talk surgery

Often on dates our bodies become The Hot Topic. SO many times our dates have asked about what surgery we’ve had. There are many other things we could talk about that would let us get to know each other as complete human beings.

3. Way too often we’re being ignored

We’ve had countless situations where instead of listening intently to what we’re actually saying about ourselves/family/interests, we can tell our date is just thinking about us as a fetish. It makes us feel ignored rather than listened to and it's The Worst.

4. It’s frustrating when sex is the only thing on our date's mind

Sex with trans women seems to fascinate the (majority of) men we go on first dates with. It'd be nice if sometimes we could go on a date where sex isn’t on the radar. We’re the same as everyone else: just because you’re dating a trans woman doesn’t mean sex is automatically at the top of the agenda.

5. Trans fixation is real (and not legit)

Despite being open and honest people, surprisingly being trans isn’t the only thing we want to talk about over dinner. We’re kind of bored of first date convos centred on the fact we’re trans rather than who we are or what we’re about as human beings.

6. We see so much fear of homosexuality

We’ve come across many men who can't understand that dating or liking a transgender woman doesn't change their sexuality. Many guys are (wrongly) afraid of liking trans women as they think this somehow means they won’t be thought of as straight.

7. Lack of openness drives us mad

There’s nothing more disheartening than when a guy goes out with us, enjoys our company, but then says he can’t tell his family he’s dating a trans woman. This is something we witness all too often.

8. Being embarrassed to be seen with us is not OK

Sometimes it's just nice when someone's comfortable being seen in public with us without caring about what the rest of the world thinks. This makes us feel great and valued as human beings.


Isabelle Nicole Herman works with Glamour Boutique to highlight openness, fairness and transparency for transgender people.

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The leading organization for transgender support and education in Eastern PA and Western NJ, our focus is on helping transgender individuals as they work through their journey to become their authentic selves while helping the community at large learn more about what it means to be transgender.

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Note: The opinions in this article are those of the author and not necessarily that of Lehigh Valley Renaissance or the Bradbury-Sullivan LGBT Community Center.

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